hello.
i think it is safe to say that most christians would feel funny if they don't talk to God for some time. i'll admit. i have been a little cold lately to the Big Man. i mean i do pray but i think we all can understand the difference of doing something and just merely the act of doing it.

so i just had a chat with Him after i practiced a bit on my guitar. i realize that i have become very involved with the idea of planning for everything in front of me that i have forgotten the heart of it all. i mean, i have obeyed the instructions, gave up on the pursuit for design, applied for my bible school, worked a little volunteering here and there... blah blah the actions look great and right and "wah godly." but the heart is still bitter and wondering 'why the heck am i doing this?!' i guess i totally missed the whole concept of it all. God is always after our hearts (not works) after all.

okay but after all that i just said, the truth is that my heart is still not there. and i just want to be frank about it you know? i have discussed with God about it and it is obvious He already knew it before i told him. but i guess there is this spark that happens when you actually talk to God about it and be transparent with Him/yourself. besides, in the process of praying, you hear yourself anyway and things seems clearer, neater.

classes are going to start on the 24th this month. i am starting a countdown. i have read the syllabus and i am seriously two things: clueless and scared. hahaha you should read the presentation topics and you'll understand why! well, i am starting my silver lining movement. i was scared and starting to do the whole questioning routine in my mind again... then i said out loud to myself, "wah die. i must work hard man or else... fail. urgh God help too please." and i did feel better after hearing that - less angsty and more of 'glowing-angel-light.'

so the plan with johnny didn't work out. somehow it came down to him sleeping at home and me wanting to go home and play the newly downloaded civilization 3 (which sucks by the way, 2 was much better) i have yet to meet up with ade... have not seen eugene or siaoting too. well, i like meeting up with my close friends. somehow our conversations always end up in the same old topics: gossip about old friends, life, studies, love and marriage.

talking about marriage, i went for the NUS service for theEdge's launch for 'A Really Bad Date.' it was not too bad. the room was decorated with hearts, roses and a table with chocolate strawberries and brownies. hm, celebrating valentines. i laughed a little when i thought about valentines and cupids. okay la not that i am cynical or anti-love or anything but i guess relationships are lost and far away in shawnland right now. it is really not the time. i quote angielim, "not my season." so friends and church kids, please, for the last time, stop matchmaking me and nudging me when i talk to any womenkind! seriously already!

but to all those love birds out there, happy valentines (the cheesy kissing picture is dedicated to you.) <3

--

God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
- John 3:16